


what are you, jealous?

by theori



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: (kind of), Angst, Canon Compliant, F/F, First Kiss, Jealousy, Pining, also i feel so bad for cat she didn't even have a chance lmao, ellie has SO been pining for dina since the day they met
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:02:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28942653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theori/pseuds/theori
Summary: things are good with cat. they’re easy. cat’s so open, so outgoing, and likes kissing her. so why does ellie feel like something’s missing? and why is dina suddenly avoiding her?set not long before the second flashback in part ii, where ellie’s 17, newly dating cat, and just trying to keep herself afloat.
Relationships: Cat/Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), slight Dina/Jesse
Comments: 2
Kudos: 64





	what are you, jealous?

“Do you really have to go?” Cat asks, taking Ellie’s hands in hers and knitting her brows together. Cat knows she’s perfected the puppy-dog eyes, so there’s nothing Ellie can do except pull her in and kiss her.

“Unfortunately, yes,” she says as they pull away. “It’s really late and the last thing I need is Joel getting on me for being out all night.”

Cat sighs dramatically, making Ellie roll her eyes. “What’s up with you and him, anyway?”

Ellie hesitates, unsure of what to say. She can’t exactly tell her the truth; she can’t exactly say, “ _So I’m immune and I used to think this stupid scar on my arm could save the world but I guess it can’t and I think Joel’s lying to me about what happened in Salt Lake City_.”

Instead, she just says, “Stupid teenager stuff.”

“Gotcha,” Cat replies with a smile.

Ellie grabs her backpack off the floor, giving her girlfriend a small smile before turning around to head for Cat’s bedroom door.

The words, “Baby, wait,” stop her in her tracks. Cat’s said the pet name a few times now, and every time, it makes Ellie’s heart skip a beat. She turns, sees Cat walking toward her, and suddenly their mouths are together and Cat’s tongue is touching hers and Ellie’s blood is racing, pounding in her ears and she brings her hands to run through Cat’s hair and—

Cat pulls away, whispers, “Just wanted to give you something to remember me by,” and winks at her.

Ellie’s not used to this. How could she _ever_ get used to this?

After staring at Cat like a dumbstruck idiot for what was surely hours, Ellie comes back to her senses and says, “Well, that happened,” with an awkward laugh.

“See you tomorrow, loser,” Cat says.

.

The walk home is refreshing, the August air less humid at night. It gives Ellie a chance to think about every embarrassing thing that happened with Cat today; every time Cat made Ellie’s face blush bright red and every time Ellie said a dumb joke she immediately regretted.

Things are good with Cat. They’re easy. Cat’s so open, so outgoing, and she likes kissing her.

So why can’t Ellie shake the feeling that something’s missing?

She tries not to think about how, when Cat kissed her, Ellie’s fingers began running through her straight hair and faltered. She tries not to think about how her fingers were expecting thicker, wavier hair.

They were expecting _Dina’s_ hair.

_Fuck_.

.

Joel’s voice interrupts Ellie’s hand as she reaches for her doorknob. She turns to find him standing against the house’s back porch, mug in hand. “It’s a little late, ain’t it? What’ve you been up to, kiddo?”

Ellie sighs in defeat. This is what she’d been trying to avoid.

“None of your business, Joel,” she says, and without another word, she closes the shed door behind her.

She swings her backpack around to retrieve her journal before tossing it against the old couch. Thus begins her nightly routine—write a new entry, read some of her latest comic book, and go to sleep.

She flips open the book and looks at the words she wrote yesterday.

_I feel like Dina’s avoiding me. Cat says she’s just jealous about how I’m spending my time. I keep trying to invite Dina along, but she keeps saying she’s busy._

She immediately closes her journal, a frustrated sound escaping her mouth.

Why _is_ Dina avoiding her, anyway? Why is she avoiding her right when Ellie finally got a girlfriend? As if Dina hasn’t been on-and-off dating Jesse for over a year now and Ellie hasn’t been fully supportive.

Well, _mostly_ supportive.

When they first told her, hand-in-hand, glancing at each other all lovingly and shit, Ellie may have left and found an abandoned house to break stuff in. But she’d still hung out with them because they were her _friends_ , and friends don’t abandon friends for exploring their love lives. Even if her heart broke every time they so much as touched.

Dina doesn’t like girls and _that’s fine_. Ellie’s over it. She found a girl she likes and who likes her back. So Dina should be happy for her. Right?

She throws her journal across the room at her desk, missing spectacularly. She flops herself down on her bed and screams in her pillow.

She doesn’t think about why certain memories replay themselves as she falls asleep. Why she’s thinking of meeting Dina for the first time and trying to catch her breath because she’d never seen a girl so beautiful. Of making Dina laugh so hard once that orange juice came out of her nose. Of that one time, in the treehouse, when they were talking about their fears and their dreams and Ellie almost worked up the nerve to kiss her.

.

Ellie wakes with a mission: confront her best friend.

The first step is to enlist the help of her (ex-?)boyfriend. She finds him at the town bakery, grabbing some breakfast for his parents.

“I think she’s just going through something,” Jesse says, shrugging. “She hasn’t been talking to me, either, but we’re technically broken up right now, so.”

“Do you know why she doesn’t like Cat?”

Another shrug. “Maybe she’s just annoyed she has competition for her title of ‘Ellie’s Best Friend’?”

Ellie sighs. “She’s so annoying.”

“Tell me about it.”

After dropping the food at his house down the street, they begin brainstorming. The first place to check is obviously the small house she shares with the town’s schoolteacher, but she’s not there. They walk through Jackson, popping their heads into the bar and the old museum. They ask a couple of Jesse’s other friends if they’ve seen her, but no luck.

Eventually, they find her seven blocks from town in the old treehouse Ellie and Dina discovered a year and a half ago. They aren’t technically supposed to be this far from Jackson’s center, but they’re teenagers. It’s almost _expected_ that they break some rules.

“You’re saying the two of you come all the way out here sometimes?” Jesse asks as the treehouse comes into view. The rope ladder is fraying and some of the wood planks are molded, but it’s surprisingly sturdy for being over twenty years old.

“We used to, but it’s been a while,” Ellie responds. “I don’t think we’ve been here since you two started dating.”

“Huh,” is all he says.

As they approach, Ellie sees a familiar fluff of dark hair in the cut-out window.

“What are you doing?” Jesse yells at Dina from the bottom of the rope ladder, but Ellie’s already on her way up.

Dina just looks up at her as she climbs into the treehouse and doesn’t say anything. Ellie hasn’t seen in her in a few days, but she looks relatively the same—hair down and falling around her shoulders, freckles across her nose, wearing a purple t-shirt and dark blue jeans. Ellie wants to say something, but she’s cut off by Jesse coming in beside her.

Dina looks from Jesse to Ellie and back again. “So, this some kind of intervention?” she asks.

Instead of answering her question, Ellie just blurts, “Why do you keep avoiding me?”

Dina’s eyes widen, her eyebrows knitting together like she’s thinking of something to say. But Ellie wants the truth, not some half-assed lie. She opens her mouth to say more and Jesse cuts her off.

“We just miss you,” he says, trying (and failing) to break the tension. “I know we’re not on the best terms ‘cause we broke up and all, but give Ellie a chance, will you?”

“We’re still friends, Jesse,” Dina says. “Am I a little pissed at you? Yeah. But we’re still friends.” She turns to Ellie again, and there’s something in Dina’s eyes that Ellie can’t read—sadness? Frustration? “And sorry, Ellie. I just needed some space. Nothing to do with you.”

“Bullshit,” is all Ellie says.

From the corner of her vision, she notices Jesse start to back up. “I have a route to run, and it looks like you two need to sort some shit out,” he says. “Bye, guys.”

Ellie gives him a small wave and waits until she hears his footsteps grow quiet before turning back to Dina. Ellie’s frustrated and confused and hurt but that doesn’t stop her from noticing the way a bit of sunlight through the branches makes Dina’s dark brown eyes turn honey-colored. It doesn’t stop her gaze from following Dina’s fingers as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

“What’s going on, D?” Ellie asks, softening her voice. “It’s weird not seeing you for days at a time. I’m used to like, three hours without you max.”

Dina smiles at that for a small moment before her lips turn downward again. “I’m sorry, Ellie, but I just want to be left alone.”

Instinctively, Ellie reaches her arm out to touch Dina’s and show her that she’s there for her. But as soon as her palm makes contact, Dina pulls away like Ellie shocked her.

She just looks at Dina, dumbfounded.

“What _the fuck_ is going on?” she says, her voice now angry. “Don’t tell me to leave you alone again. You’re my fucking _best friend_.” She moves closer to the girl sitting in front of her, getting in her face.

“You don’t want to know—”

“I promise I’m not going to ditch you or anything because I’m dating Cat now! Do you have an issue or something with me liking girls? What—”

“No, oh my god, Ellie, I don’t have an issue with you being gay!” Dina interrupts. Ellie hates how the other girl’s words make her breathe a small sigh of relief. “I have, like, the opposite issue!”

Ellie pauses, the words she was about to say catching in her mouth. _What?_

She suddenly realizes how close she is to Dina. There’s only about a foot or so between her body and the other girl’s. She can feel Dina’s hot breath on her face and can feel her blood rushing—not in anger, but in the way it ran through her veins last night when Cat’s body was against hers. “The opposite issue?” is all Ellie can say, her voice an embarrassing squeak.

“Forget I said anything, I don’t even know what I’m saying—” Dina begins, breaking eye contact and shaking her head at the floor.

“The opposite of you not liking that I like girls would be… you _like_ that I like girls?”

The two of them just let Ellie’s words hang in the air as they stare at each other, searching each other’s faces. Ellie looks from Dina’s eyes to her lips, slightly parted ( _fuck_ ), to her cheeks, pinker than normal. She tries not to think about what Dina is noticing on her own face, what embarrassing expression she’s definitely making.

“Um, I mean—” Dina begins, but stops, unsure of herself.

Ellie can’t help but reach out to Dina again; she’s so used to comforting Dina when she’s upset or confused or in need of her best friend. This time, when Ellie’s hand meets hers, she doesn’t pull away, and the point of contact makes Ellie feel like she’s aflame. It’s not fair that Dina can do this to her. It’s not fair that Dina can _still_ do this to her when Ellie has a _fucking girlfriend_ now.

Why can Dina still do this to her?

“Seeing you with Cat, I just…” Dina tries again, not completing her thought.

_Does it hurt?_ Ellie thinks, almost spiteful. _Does it make your stomach twist and turn and coil around itself? When she kissed me in front of you by the lake, did you want to turn away but found that you couldn’t? Could you not stop looking at my lips; have you memorized the way they move like I’ve done with yours? Do you feel like I’ve felt_ every fucking time _you and Jesse are together?_

She doesn’t realize that she’s leaned closer until Dina’s lips are on hers.

_Fuck._

This is everything Ellie’s ever wanted, but it’s not right.

She gives herself a second to take the moment in; to memorize the softness of Dina’s lips, the way Dina lets out a small sigh into Ellie’s mouth, the electric feeling of her best friend kissing her. Then she pulls away, sharper than she means to.

Dina’s eyes fly open and she immediately starts apologizing.

“Just stop,” Ellie interrupts her. “Why _now_ , Dina?”

Dina looks at her for a moment, breathless and confused. “What?”

“Why are you doing this _now_? Why not, like, two weeks ago when I didn’t have a girlfriend?”

The words hang in the air, unspoken. Dina was still with Jesse when she and Cat became a thing.

But does Dina even _like_ Ellie that way? Does she even like _girls_? Or is this all some sort of act to get all of Ellie’s attention away from her girlfriend and back on Dina?

To be honest, Ellie wouldn’t put that past her.

Dina doesn’t say anything, her mouth slightly parted like she wants to speak but can’t find the words.

And Ellie is so fucking angry. She wants to scream at her best friend—or whatever they are—and make Dina hurt the way she does.

But she holds herself back. She says, “I’m leaving,” and doesn’t look at Dina as she climbs down the rope. She doesn’t so much as glance back as she stalks away, her hands in fists at her sides.

Her mind replays the moment over and over as she makes her way back to the center of town. _Dina fucking kissed her_. After avoiding her since Cat announced to pretty much every teenager in Jackson that they were dating. Dina kissed her, and her lips felt better than Ellie had ever fucking imagined, and she can still feel the adrenaline rushing through her body.

But there is no way Dina even likes her like that. Ellie knows it, deep down; she knows that Dina was just trying to break up her and Cat for whatever goddamn reason. She’s sure her crush on Dina has been obvious and her best friend was using that against her. Like a fucking prick.

.

Ellie finds herself at the door of the tattoo shop, the place Cat always is in the afternoon hours. She doesn’t really know why she went to her. Maybe it’s because she’s her girlfriend and Ellie wants to be comforted, but she wouldn’t be able to tell the girl anything about why she’s upset.

Cat beams at her when she walks in and Ellie feels her gut twist in on itself.

“Hey, Ellie!” she says as she closes her tattoo sketchbook. “Was wondering when I’d see your beautiful face.”

Ellie lets out a small laugh at that, settling in beside Cat on the room’s bench seat. “Hey, Cat.”

Cat pulls Ellie in for a kiss and guilt piles in her stomach.

After Ellie breaks the kiss a second too soon, Cat just looks at her, dark eyes softening. “What’s wrong, babe?”

Ellie puts her hand on her neck, not knowing what to say. “I, uh—it’s just been a long day. Friend drama.” She figures that’s honest enough.

Cat nods, understanding. Ellie likes that she never pushes Ellie the way Dina does. Cat’s good to her. She’s kind. Dina just drives Ellie fucking crazy.

“Want to finish lining my tattoo?” Ellie asks.

Cat obliges happily, grabbing the tattoo gun and some ink off the desk beside them.

The rest of the day passes easily. She and Cat talk about whatever; they skirt around the topic of Dina and make each other laugh. It’s a nice distraction from the anger and confusion of earlier. It helps her avoid thinking about the one girl she shouldn’t be thinking about.

.

In an unforeseen turn of events, the next day is somehow worse.

Ellie and Cat are walking to the diner when they cross paths with Jesse and Dina. And they’re holding hands.

Dina’s fingers slide out of his when she sees Ellie, but the damage has already been done.

Cat greets them with a smile. Cat may not be the biggest fan of Dina, but she’s been friends with Jesse for a long time. It’s almost impossible to dislike him.

“You two back together again?” Ellie says, glancing at the small distance between them. She tries not to clench her teeth.

Dina gives Ellie a look that Ellie doesn’t understand. It’s almost pleading, apologetic. But she obviously doesn’t a give a shit about Ellie’s feelings, because they still haven’t talked about whatever the hell happened the day before and Dina is already back in Jesse’s arms. Fucking typical.

“Yeah, we were just talking last night and realized we broke up for a dumb reason,” Jesse said with a laugh. “What are you two up to?”

“We were just, uh, going to the bakery,” Ellie says, grabbing Cat’s hand and starting to pull her away. “See you guys later.”

“Ellie—” Dina begins, but Ellie doesn’t turn back around. She just keeps pulling Cat away from them.

When Cat asks what’s going on, Ellie just shakes her head.

“Ah, the friend drama,” Cat says, nodding her head. “Got it.”

.

That night, when Ellie’s alone in her room, she lets everything out.

“Fucking DINA!” she yells, shoving everything off her desk in anger. Books, pencils, and old sketchbooks thump on the wooden floor, making a mess she’ll only have to clean up later. She paces across her small room over and over before falling in a heap on her couch, defeated.

She hates that she wants her best friend back, regardless of everything that had happened the past two days. She hates that she doesn’t know if Dina’s back with Jesse because she wants to be or because she’s running away from what happened between them.

She supposes it doesn’t really matter.

.

Dina stops avoiding her after that awkward meeting by the diner, and they act like nothing happened. They fall back into their routine; teasing each other, making each other laugh, talking about anything and everything except for that one day in the treehouse.

It’s nice to be _Ellie and Dina_ again, but the ache in her chest whenever she’s around her best friend is more painful now. It’s somehow even greater than it was before, now that she knows what Dina’s lips feel like pressed against her own.

She breaks up with Cat within a month, a week after her tattoo is done. “I’m really sorry,” is all she says. “You’re great and wonderful but I—”

“Am in love with Dina,” Cat finishes for her.

Ellie starts to argue but there’s no point. She stops the words before they even fall from her lips.

“I’ve seen the way you look at her,” Cat says softly. “It hurts, but it’s okay.”

.

In two years, Dina will kiss Ellie, tipsy, in the middle of a dance floor. Ellie will kiss her back the way she wanted to in that treehouse; she’ll press against the other girl’s lips and pull Dina’s body closer to her own.

The next day, they’ll make out in Eugene’s old weed bunker and Ellie will kiss Dina’s body everywhere, just like she’s always wanted to. And it will be messy and sweaty and perfect until Ellie’s life crashes down around her.

In three years, they’ll have a family together. The two of them and a baby boy who Ellie will think is the cutest child to ever exist. They’ll fall asleep in bed together every night, comforting each other in the aftermath of Seattle. They’ll dance around to Crooked Still on the old record player and tend to the sheep on their little farm.

Then Ellie will break Dina’s heart, hurting her worse than Dina had ever hurt Ellie.

In four years, Ellie will return to her, bloodied and weak. She’ll be unsure if Dina can ever forgive her or ever love her again.

Dina can, and she will, in time.

And they will be Ellie and Dina again.

And it will be perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! this is my first tlou fic – i’ve been wanting to write one for ages but my latest replay of part ii finally inspired me to get it all down. will definitely be writing something less angsty for ellie and dina in the future bc i love them so much. also i don’t usually swear much in my writing, but i have to admit, using “fuck” every few paragraphs is pretty freeing. i think i get why ellie swears so much, lmao.
> 
> you can find me @chaostheori on tumblr!


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